Hello all!
Joyeaux noel, feliz Navidad, buon Natale, Nadolig llamen, and a merry stinkedy-stonking Christmas to you!
I think today is the day I would finally like to write a post about finding love within our little BDSM community, and on the internet in general.
I can’t speak for every ProDomme out there, but I can certainly speak for myself and others I have discussed this matter with….. We do not want to be bothered on our work phones with love, marriage, sex or dating proposals!
We have our work life, and our personal life, and that doesn’t necessarily mean Domme and vanilla.
All Dominas I know enjoy kink both in and out of pro-sessions!
I for one, however, do not welcome advances from strangers asking me to go out with them via my site or phone!
The following circumstances ESPECIALLY grind my gears;
- I have never met you, it is the first text you’ve ever sent to me, I have no photo. So, i’m supposed to fall in love with a phone number, that is 11 sexy as hell digits, lets get married??
- You ASSUME i’m available. shows how attractive you must find me if you assume I’m waiting at home for strangers to ask to take me out.
- Not that it makes any difference if you’re a stud or not, but it’s always the fugly sea donkies, space cows and moon pigs that have the confidence to ask me out! What do you see when you look in the mirror point dexter?!?!?!
- You send me a photo of your cock. Enough said
- You spend ages asking me about sessions to basically say you don’t want one and just want to take me out.
It is a work phone, with a number you found on a work site. I am a fucking princess, and you expect my time for nothing? It’s not looking to likely is it?
So, onto finding love, or NSA fun, in our world of whips and chains….
Britain is a nation of pub and club goers….. ask anyone over the age of 35 how they met their partner, most will start their story “well i was out one night drunk….”
My generation is one of tweeting, facebooking and instagramming to hook up.
This is all good and well, but it can get rather tiresome having 50-100 men/women/trogs add you a day with the aim of getting into your pants when all you want to do it catch up with an old school friend who now lives in oz.
Despite the baffling new laws surrounding the filming and distribution of FemDomme porn (which i will be writing about soon), BDSM has enjoyed a foray into the mainstream like never seen before, thanks to erotic novels such as 50 shades of grey, it is not uncommon to see a gaggle of menopausal 50 somethings sitting having a girlie lunch getting in a fluster about handcuffs and corsets after a pinot grigio or 2.
We can now buy vibrators in Boot’s chemist, and when searching for grey paint for my new dungeon (AGAIN, needs it’s own blog) I found that dulux has a “fifty shades of grey” domination paint collection (i haven’t entirely decided whether or not it’s a joke!!!!)
Kink is here, and (if the bloody government don’t get their own way) it’s here to stay, huzzah!!!!
However, I understand that many people i know in the scene, have in the past found it hard to find that special someone who is compatible with their kinks as well as in the more traditional senses.
I like to think of myself as a woman of logic and numbers, dating is a numbers game.
You could go to five different bars every night of your life, and the chances of finding that special someone, who happened to be in your line of sight at the right time on the right day, isn’t playing the odds in your favour and isn’t being smart.
It’s like a prodomme going into Yate’s wine bar Leicester Square and giving out business cards.
You are not advertising to the right market!!!
Therefore I would recommend HIGHLY that those interested in pursuing a BDSM centric relationship visit specialist sites, I have heard of many success stories using these.
XXX Sex Guides
Though i have not used this site myself, it comes recommended from others. Upon further inspection, it looks to be a good site with a variety of listings for dating, prodommes and other adult industry links.
www.fetlife.com I am a member myself (for networking purposes only!), and this is also a good resource for meeting friends in the industry, keeping up to date with parties and events
www.collarspace.com
Formerly collar me until the infamous fight between the owners.. I have used this website up until recently, but have alas been removed as i dared to post the profile links of others using my photos fraudulently! This is a popular site but use at your peril! Full of fakes and trolls IMO
A google search will bring up others but the list above are a good place to start.
Some tips for keeping safe on the net
I know that most of us know most of these, but here they are just to round up;
- DO NOT give away card details online, if you are using a dating site, with someone who claims to not be prodomme, don’t give money in anyway at all.
- Ladies, do not use the card details given to you by others, ever. they may just call it in as fraud to spite you and you’ll be in hot water.
- Be honest! A 10 year old photoshopped photo of you before the receding hairline and beer belly, driving that friend of your’s porsche and a profile saying you are an outdoorsy person who loves watersports and whipping when you want to sit on your arse and eat pies is going to lead to disappointment for your date and your feelingS being hurt.
- Check out their profile closely. Is it very new? has only a few words, or 1 picture? If the 1 picture is of an insanely good looking person beware, usually those who are that picture perfect would adorn their profile with more than one picture if it hadn’t just been plucked out of a google image search
- Skype / send verifotos / talk on phone before you meet.
- Make sure ground rules are set, be it going for dinner or setting up for the night in a dungeon, keep it in writing, that way everyone can re read and theres no room for ambiguity
- Meet in a public place, with lots of people around and have an exit plan!
- Let a few friends know where you are going, develop an “alarm call” safety word. something you could say on a phone call or in a text which doesn’t sound out of the ordinary but alerts the reader that you may need help. something like “okies” or “TTFN” can be worked into a conversation without raising suspicion
- Last but not least, go with your gut! It seldom leads you wrong
Most importantly of all though, ENJOY! It is easy to get bogged down with the fear and stigma associated with online dating, when the truth is it’s mostly people like you and I, just trying to find their partner in kink!
Sofia xoxo
